Missing Chapter No. 1
A week or so ago I got diagnosed with bipolar. We don't know if it's 1 or 2 without further testing, but either way, I've been waiting for validation, vindication, and a sense of clarity pertaining to my symptoms. I've gotten none of these things.
At this point I would admit to being a huge pessimist, but the truth of it is, I'm not.
But today, the cycle has begun to reset. No longer is my body light and airy. My limbs aren't mad if a hollow plastic. Today my arms and joints are like rusted, heavy metal. Leaden.
Despite having a good outlook, I still feel these "somatic" iterations. I don't argue with the fact that somatization may be prevalent-- I'm saying who cares where it comes from.
Pain is not an ethical debate on whether or not it's valid or whether you deserve relief. It's a question of can't you make it stop and then a conversation that follows with you and your doctor in which you both try not to make assumptions like assholes.