What do they want from us?
It's funny how “neurotypicals” send the “neurodivergent” mental health community mixed messages.
One second they want us to take our mind numbing medication¹. The next minute they're bitching at us because we haven't made enough clinical progress-- and that's just my mental health “team”.
These meds are bogus and dangerous… They're sedatives.
While taking my antipsychotics religiously (back in the day), I was accused of “not trying” by my therapist at the time.
It looked like I wasn't trying.
I was tired all the time, like, completely wiped out constantly. It was hard to breathe between the vicious cycle of major depression and a hardcore brain halting sedative, I didn't have the energy or the mental faculties to do any better.
For lack of a better term, I was in a 2 year long daze. My weeks melted together, I never did art or created. It was all about when I could sit down again and rest.
All kinds of hustles and the left hand path.
Finally, I got tired of the shit and turned to the streets.
My shrink at the time was a charlatan. She was a money grubbing hustler, and going to her was costing way more than it was worth. (This bitch even had the balls to double charge my insurance agency for shit I had already paid for). She charges me for paperwork pertaining to my job and gave me guilt trips about having to “write so much".
Almost $1000.00 she swindled before I finally got the courage to break away from the only person standing between me and total ruin. The sad thing was she didn't even help that much. She used to get kind of snippy when I would always return with poor results.
For the first year, I followed her advice. The second year, I did dark, dirty, illicit drugs----- and what do you know? My friends and family were so elated that I was getting better!!! What a miracle!!!
Us getting better is about them…
A lot of times people don't realize what they really want before they ask it. Most of the time, they don't take the time to differentiate between what they're asking for, what they may get, and the real reality of the situation. i.e., what is even possible.
In the case of my hustling shrink, she wanted me sick as long as she could make money off me. Even if it took food out of my mouth, my dogs mouth.
There were times when I had to choose between mental health and basic needs. Several times I've made this choice.
In the case of my family and friends, they're like I used to be. They try their best to help you through the rough times. They're a little disappointed (in my version of euthymia) at least.
¹ Antipsychotics still baffle doctors and scientists when it comes to their mechanism of action.
These meds are touted as being safe and effective by online literature, doctors, councilors, nurses and therapists. Basically anyone in the field of health (mind or body).
I find it bewildering. If you ask one of these people why you need a medication that can cause irreversible tremors, liver and kidney failure, horrible rashes, disturbances that effect our senses and our minds, they stare back and answer from a preselected list of agreed upon responses. The 2 things we need working to get better (our senses and our wit; and they wipe both out with one pill.