It's akin to an agitated form of organized delirium. That's the only way I am able to explain it. Maybe; lemme try a few more angles though, for clarity's sake.
For those of you who have never done drugs, it feels like homesickness for a place that no longer exists. If feels like being lost in Walmart as a kid; while you wrestle with the big idea that your life could be changed forever if you don't find your mom.
For the folks that have been around the block a few times when it comes to all manners of dope to self-medicate, it feels like the fear of knowing in advance the impending doom of withdrawal. It feels like being halfway through the battle and having no strength left.
It feels like, "I'm so uncomfortable". Like, "I forgot something that I should have remembered because it was important". It feels like worry and fear about the next bout of suffering and it is a physical sensation.
This coupled with my current downward spiral makes me paranoid. I'm not entirely a believer that the universe is particularly out to get me, I just think I have shit luck. And I happen to be bipolar, those two things together do not mix.
In conclusion, I just wanted to note this phenomenon for anyone scouring the internet about weird bipolar mood switch symptoms.
If you're bipolar, good fkin luck bro, and try to have a great day.💜